Before you actually are pregnant, pregnancy looks like such a cute and fun time in your life. You see that big bellied woman walking through the mall in her sweet little spring dress and you just think "awww...". And followed by that, you think about the sweet little baby in her belly and how exciting that must be. Or you see a movie and the pregnant girl looks so blissfully happy and excited. THEN, you get married and think "I have just married the man of my dreams. One day we will start a family and it will be so perfect and we will have the cutest kids in the world. I can't wait." THEN, you go to Japan to visit that perfect man of your dreams, have a truly magical time, and come home and start getting back to real life. THEN, a week later, you find out your pregnant. In a Target. Because you couldn't wait until you got home because you had to pee right that moment or you were going to explode.
Now comes the fun. You call your mom sobbing. She's in Hawaii on vacation. Then you text your husband, who is 14 hours ahead of you in Japan, to wake up because he is currently asleep. Unaware of the horror and panic that is going on in your car in the Target parking lot. Later, all has calmed down. The idea of a baby becomes not-so-scary and more exciting with each passing hour. After your first Dr. appt where they confirm your pregnancy, it actually becomes more fun! Then you buy all the pregnancy books and calendars that you can find in Barnes and Noble and you get even more excited! Heck, even taking a prenatal everyday is exciting! You don't want to tell anyone that your pregnant yet because you are so newly pregnant and traditional that you're waiting for the 10 week-ish mark. Whoops!- but then you have a stroke thanks to your ever changing preggo body and your annoyingly smart family and friends start to question why they aren't giving you a CT scan! Annnnnd the word is out. And you're getting "congratulations!" texts while lying on the MRI table. And before you know it, everyone and their mom knows you're pregnant annnnnd you had the pleasure of telling NO ONE! (Don't mess with the power of the gossiping family grapevine. You tell one person-- everyone knows. Within minutes.)
So it's out! You're pregnant! You're pregnant with a baby that you and husband had not exactly planned for, but it's still a wonderful thing! You must be thrilled! Everyone else is! You're going to love being pregnant! Everyone else does! Except... no. Some women experience no symptoms of pregnancy and have a beautiful experience. We hate those women. Some women have an awful experience full of complications and changes, and I truly feel so bad for them. Then there are some of us who just have the normal difficult, love-hate relationship with pregnancy. Or maybe you're somewhere in the middle. I have compiled a list of things no one tells you until you're sucked in and good 'n' knocked up. Here goes.
Exhaustion
Two things I've learned. First Trimester- you will not stay awake. You cannot stay awake. No amount of sleep will give you energy. You will go to sleep at 8pm every single night and on the weekends you will do nothing. People will whine and moan that you are avoiding them and that you never come around anymore. Your friends will think you're lame. Leave us alone. We are nauseous and tired. Always, always tired.
Second trimester- nothing changes. Other moms tell you to get ready for the second trimester BOOST of energy, but this is a lie. There is no boost. You may stay up until 8:30pm. But that's about as far as that goes. You will feel narcoleptic. People will still give you crap for not hanging out as much. This is all perfectly normal, so says my Doctor. For those moms who have experienced this Second Trimester Energy, I
You Must Always Be Happy
In a way, it's dumb to even try to explain all this to people. Like trying to explain mustard to a fish. Women who are already parents tell you you're just going through stress and it'll be fine. Women who aren't parents just look at you like you're nuts. Reality: Pregnancy is horrifying. You have no idea what's going on with your body. No one tells you what's normal and what's not. And there are a lot of times where you're just straight filled with doubt! Did you make a mistake? Can you handle taking care of another LIFE for the rest of your life? If you're like me, you'll have some serious breakdowns. You will think this is too fast, I just got married, I am terrified and this MUST be a mistake. THEN, you'll text your husband in Japan looking for some support and kind words, and tell him your worries and that you're currently bawling your eyes out. THEN, his response will say something like: ".my 'So You're Going To Be A Father' book said that you'd probably get like this. All extra emotional and irrational. Don't worry. Just chill. It's just your hormones."................... Of course THAT is exactly what you were hoping to hear and all your fears and concerns are dismissed....................
..... Anyway, point is, I've learned that it's more than okay-- it's NORMAL-- to not see this pregnancy as the ultimate, magical, wonderful gift every minute of everyday. You just pray and prepare as much as possible and hope to God you're a good parent. And realize that despite his
Morning Sickness
Everyone talks about morning sickness but somehow, it never actually gets the appropriate credit for how awful it is.
1) Women who are pregnant should get a 3 month, first trimester, excused sick leave from work. Done and done.
2) (This one is for husbands/people who have never been pregnant or don't know much about pregnancy) Don't be fooled into thinking morning sickness has anything to do with mornings. I honestly have no idea why they call it that and it plucks my nerves a bit! It's all-the-friggen-time sickness and it makes me laugh that people think we're just nauseous in the morning then we go about a normal day. And when I say it makes me laugh, I mean it makes me want to punch you.
3) Don't grill raw chicken, use curry, cook seafood , or open a God forsaken can of tuna within a 10 mile radius of a first trimester preggo. Just don't do it.
Other Aches Pains and Misery
- Everything will hurt. Your boobs, your back, your stomach, your feet, your ankles. Everything. If nothing hurts, something is wrong. If everything hurts too much, something is wrong. If everything hurts just enough to make you want to rip that part of your body off, then your pregnancy is going smoothly and everything seems healthy! :)
- Try not to cough or sneeze. This causes something called Round Ligament Pain. A sharp MISERABLE pain that shoots through your uterus like someone has just sent a fireball up through your vagina and it exploded around your cervix. That's what that is.
- Your babys kicks are sweet and innocent. and sometimes hurt. Especially the bladder ones and the cervix ones.
- You will NEED your husband like you need water. Even if he is thousands of miles away. He will be the sweetest ever and try so hard to understand what is going on in your little belly and just when you feel like you want to hurt everyone around you, you'll realize how much you need him. Poor guy doesn't have the right answers and only knows what he reads about pregnancy but you will realize how wonderful of a dad he will be more and more everyday. Don't blow up at your husband... he's doing his very very best to understand this crazy time in your life!
- EVERYONE and their mom has advice for you. Some of it is actually great advice. Those moms with young children have truly great advice usually! It's the people who have never been pregnant who at some point in their life vaguely knew someone who was pregnant-- THOSE are the people who will have the most ridiculous advice for you that will most likely contradict the advice of your doctor and will probably defy any logic. These people are the most annoying people. An 80 year old who gave birth 60 years ago will have a BOOK of advice for you-- most of it complete and utter rubbish. Your best friend will share every bit of her wealth of knowledge that she learned while watching A Baby Story, and freak you the heck out. Your husband will give you advice based on what he remembers from his mom being pregnant with his sister in 1990, OR based on what his "So You're Going To Be A Father" book tells him.... written by a guy.
- Pregnancy will mostly be not that fun, except for you lucky women.... but it is always, always worth it in the end. And any mom will tell you that.
So this is what I've learned so far from being pregnant these past 21 weeks. Mostly this is just meant to be humorous and pregnancy HAS NOT been an awful experience everyday. But I will say that I was pretty naive coming into being preggo and didn't realize how true some of the crappier parts of pregnancy could be.
*Sigh* Corny as it is, I wouldn't give up being pregnant for anything now that I know I have the sweetest little man growing inside of me. I plan to write another one of these after I give birth with any other myths I may debunk/things I may learn the hard way over these next 20 weeks. Needless to say, I'm not a girl who looooves being pregnant! I'm no Octo-mom or Michelle Duggar. I do love my little boy so much already though and I know I'll appreciate the experience that is pregnancy more after it's all over.
Now it is exactly 8:41pm... I'm going to sleep. ;)
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