love yourself

This video kind of says it all. (You may tear up like I did.)  It's an epidemic in our day and age with women.  We want to be skinnier, happier, prettier, curvier, sexier, etc. etc. etc.  Women are their own worst beauty critics. Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful.  

God created you perfectly.  He created you wonderfully and in God's image.  

"For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”  -1 Samuel 16:7

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."  -Psalm 139:13

You're beautiful! Embrace it. :)

more tips for living healthier-- with or without babies

So I think I have a lot of good tips I've learned from different places (books and internet, mostly-- none of these things are my own revelations) and usually when I talk to people about some of my healthy living tips, they are so thankful!  Last week I did a post on what I think is the most important part of living healthy which is what you eat and what you feed your kids/baby.

Here are some more little tips and tricks that we live by in the Waagner household: (okay, so Cannen and I live by them... Eric is still learning ;)
        p.s.  These aren't just for people with babies! Anyone can live healthier!


1)  Plastics and BPA-
This is something that I learned a lot more about after I had Cannen but I wish I'd known this simple trick earlier.  BPA is a chemical that strengthens plastic but can mess with hormonal development if it's leached into your body (especially kids).
To keep our household free of BPA, we go by this simple mantra "4, 5, 1, and 2- all the rest are bad for you".  Here's what this means:

These numbers you can find on the bottom of any plastic container or toy-- anything plastic.  If the number (or letter) is anything but a 4, 5, 1, or 2--- it's bad for you.  A child shouldn't be putting it in his/her mouth, you DEFINITELY shouldn't be heating your food in it, really, you shouldn't have it in your house.  

  Tip:  Most all organic companies are BPA free in every plastic that they put on the market.  Go with those.  Plus organic shampoos, lotions, baby products, and etc. are better for you anyway... but we'll get to that later.

2) Non-foods to keep out of your life:

~Refined flour- refined flour turns into sugar as soon as it enters your body.  Your body processes it like sugar and breaks it down into glucose which causes a spike of blood sugar, then a crash (i.e. sugar high, sugar rush...) and then you're hungry again 5 minutes later.  Swap any refined sugar or flour for their whole grain equivalent.  This will help avoid the crash and it's way healthier for you.

~Artificial sweeteners-  For those of you who live on these in coffee or sweets, I'm about to ruin your day.  The ONLY healthy sugar choice is pure cane sugar.  And I wouldn't necessarily call this sugar "healthy" for you but it's better than anything artificial.

          Aspartame- triggers migraines and breaks down into FORMALDEHYDE in your body... No, I'm not kidding. Unfortunately, aspartame is in almost every single diet/zero calorie soda.  Gross.

           Splenda, Truvia, Agave, Stevia-   "Natural sweetener"= healthy, right?  No.  These contain 70-80% fructose-- MORE than what's found in some high fructose corn syrup! BAD!  Of these, agave is the best, I guess. So try to find agave that has no more than 30% fructose and make sure it's organic and 100% pure.

~Artificial Colors- If it can make a food blue or purple, it's probably not good for you. 

~Sodium Nitrates- don't buy ANY processed meat unless it's labeled Nitrate Free.  Nitrates are linked to cancer and and are really bad for pregnant women and children.

Lastly, when it comes to bath and beauty products, I'm a stickler.  Especially things that Cannen uses.  Here are some things I've learned and some tips for staying healthy in this area:

1) If a label says Hypoallergenic or Natural-- this literally. means. nothing.  The government doesn't regulate these two terms with definition so the company is free to define the words however they want. Example: the product may contain aloe, which is a plant based ingredient.  So the label will say "Natural" and "Allergy tested"... but no.  Just the ALOE is natural.  Every other ingredient may be crappy and bad for you.

Also, make sure anything you buy organic, SAYS "Certified USDA Organic".  Any company can put organic on it's label but it's only certain to be organic if the USDA cleared it as so.  

Also, "unscented" is not a good thing.  Unscented on the label means that they have just covered the fragrant ingredients with an unscented fragrance.  Look for "fragrance free" which means there are no engineered fragrant ingredients.  Unscented means nothing.

2) Tear-Free baby shampoo and body wash-  This is disturbing.  Most lotions, body washes, and shampoos that say "Tear-Free" contain a special mix of toxic chemicals that work by NUMBING your baby's eyes so they can't feel the other harsh chemicals stinging!  AHHH! Go for organic, plant based actives.  Also look for pH balanced soaps and shampoos because this will naturally not hurt baby's eyes or skins.

3) Parabens-- these are found in any water based products (shampoos, conditioner, lotion, body wash, etc.)  Paraben is a preservative.  We absorb the parabens through our skin and they've been found inside breast tumors and linked to cancer.  They are also toxic to our reproductive and immune systems.  Look at the ingredients and make sure there are no parabens. (USDA organic= no parabens)


OOOOOOOOOKAY---- so by now you think I'm a crazy paranoid fool who spends most of the time in the grocery store checking labels and looking psychotic, but I'm not.  These are just some of the tips that I try to go by- keyword TRY.  Sometimes, economically, you can't pass up the sale shampoo or non-organic, cheaper mangoes.  Aspartame or not, sometimes I need a Diet Coke.   But for the most part, I try to incorporate these things (and there are TONS more) into our every day life to keep me, Eric, and especially Cannen as healthy as possible.
 It's meant to make life a little easier, not complicate things.  And TRUST ME, once you do have a baby--- you'll want to know ALL of these things to protect their little bodies.

More tips to come next week!  By the time I'm through with you maybe you will be a little health-crazy like me, butttttt I think it's worth it. ;)

getting greener

So quick update before we get to the main part of this post:  Cannen is still perfect and Eric is still handsome.  Nothing much has changed around here! ;)  Cannen is learning new things everyday.  He now pretty much sits up by himself, rolls over, communicates well, and has been teething a bit.... even though we have yet to actually see a tooth.  Annnd he's STANDING UP (well, standing up holding onto the couch or something)! He is so uninterested in crawling, he's just decided to work on standing up! He's such a chill baby too. Even when hes fussy, he's never that fussy.  His new thing that we are working to break him of while he's young is separation anxiety.  Ohhhh the separation anxiety.  When I walk away from him he has a mini breakdown until he sees me again.  When I put him on the floor with toys and don't sit with him... breakdown.  At first it was super cute because he just loves me that much but now it's just annoying.  Other than that, Eric's job is going great, I'm still happy everyday with my great life, and Cannen is healthy and happy and that's all we can ask for!

Now for my real blog post.  This isn't just for mommies-- keep reading.
When becoming a mama you just become SO much more aware of the things around you and your baby.  I think before I eat anything (mostly because I'm breastfeeding) and I'm EXTRA particular about food. I also read labels on most everything-- food, baby products, toys, cleaning products, clothes tags-- and I research everything.  Is this okay to clean the table with?  Is this okay to give baby to play with?  Is this food going to give baby an upset stomach?  I'm not to an obsessive level and I'm not too annoyingly particular with things, but then again compared to other people maybe I am.
Mostly, what I've learned is that I wish I had known half this stuff before I was pregnant because I would have implemented some of the it a looooong time ago.  I feel like there are so many things out there that people don't know about so here are some tips for healthier living:  (Note: this isn't a lifestyle change-- it's just little things you can add to live healthier everyday)

HEALTHY FOOD:  Here are my two priorities when buying food:

Buy Organic:  Buying Organic has been a growing trend but it REALLY IS IMPORTANT.  Whether you're worried about the environment, your health, or animal welfare, it matters.  I personally agree that those three things intersect importantly.
What does Organic really mean?  If it's a fruit or legume, it wasn't sprayed with toxic chemicals and farmers couldn't use GMO's (genetically modified seeds). (p.s. GMO's are banned in all of Europe because of their toxicity... the FDA hasn't banned them because, well, mass, fast production is the name of the game these days. Gross.)  If it's meat, the animals weren't given antibiotics or hormones and were fed an 100% organic diet.  I don't want that in my body and it can have bad, lasting effects when eating all that modified food.

Here's something scary:  Synthetic Pesticides, which are sprayed on most all conventional produce, are among the TOP TEN chemicals associated with increases in autistic children and learning disabilities. Buying all organic all the time is impossible and expensive so just choose the produce with the highest content of pesticides to move over to your "organic" list.

These dirty items are:  

Apples

Celery

Bell Peppers

Peaches

Strawberries

Grapes

Lettuce

Cucumber

Blueberries

Potatoes

Green beans

Kale/greens

My second priority is Buying Local:  Think about the fruit you're buying from the grocery store in January.  Most of it was shipped from Chile or China.  It takes four to seven days to GET to the grocery store which is about a week of being hauled on nasty freight trains or trucks.  Produce starts to lose it's nutritional value the MINUTE it's picked.  If we're honest, you'll go crazy trying to find/buy everything on your grocery list locally so ofcourse there will be the quick pick-up from the store BUT the more you visit and get to know your local farmers markets you'll be able to gradually move more and more of your foods over to your "buy local" list.  PLUS, and just as importantly, buying local helps out your small business owners and farmers.  The same amount of money for healthier produce AND helping the local economy?-- DO IT!

Here are some links to some favorite farmers markets around Richmond:
http://www.lakesidefarmersmarket.net/
http://growrva.com/
http://byrdhousemarket.blogspot.com/

If you DON'T live in Richmond, go to this website, plug in your zipcode, and it will tell you where your local farms and farmers markets are!--   www.localharvest.org/farmers-markets

To find out which vegetables are the best and most "in-season" at any time in YOUR area, go here and plug in your zip:  www.sustainabletable.org/shop/seasonal


I'm going to make this into a little series.  Next post will be Friday and I'll cover a little bit more on healthy living. I'm hoping you all can learn a little bit and start eating and growing and living healthier!!!

So this is a pretty exciting week for Eric! He started his new job as a Mortgage Broker yesterday and he seems to like it so far.  We still aren't sure if he will stay at this job or take this as a temporary position, though.  He has some other companies calling and wanting to interview him in the next couple weeks so if he finds a position that he'd like better than we may pursue that.  For now we are just so blessed and thankful to God for finding Eric a great job that will pay the bills and keep us comfortable.

Cannen is getting more and more squirmy and learning more everyday!  He's got such a little personality.  He's reaching for toys more and he'll get mad if you take one away from him.  Eric and I can both be extremely stubborn (we're working on it...) so we knew we'd have a little spitfire for a kid. He'll whine a little and he can get a little attitude with us but I swear, knock on wood, the child NEVER CRIES.  Like, ever.  It's baffling to us as we sometimes try to think of the last time Cannen cried and we just can't.  He's SO happy 99% of everyday which makes us so happy! We must be doing a pretty decent job at this parenting stuff! He LOVES his crib which is awesome because we put him down for bed or a nap and he just lays there and goes to bed! Sometimes he'll wake up from a nap and just lay in bed for over an hour, quietly, just playing with his blanket or looking around, waiting for someone to come pick him up.  He has slept through the night since he was 7 weeks old and so I think he must get his love for sleeping from me.  He talks (i.e. makes crazy terodactyl noises) a lot but they are awesome and we love hearing his little voice through the monitor, waking us up in the morning.  He's more and more fun everyday because he's learning to interact with us and it's just the cutest.  I don't mean to brag but I think I have the perfect child-- as every mother does.

I can't help but feel like I'm living a dream life sometimes.  All I've always really wanted is a loving husband who puts God and our family first and a home that is just simply full of love all the time.  I've always wanted a husband who will protect us and provide for us and make the Lord the center of our family.  A husband who shows me and tells me everyday how much he loves me and our family-- and Eric is all those things.  He blows me away sometimes.  Before Eric leaves in the morning he kisses me and tells me something sweet, and when he walks in the door after a long day, the first thing he does is find me and kiss me and he somehow still has energy to help me with Cannen.  I love that after almost a year and a half of marriage and an 8 month deployment abroad, we still act like newlyweds and are crazy about eachother! This past Thursday, Valentines Day, I really just focused the whole day on Eric and how important love is in our every day life.  

I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom and I'm so blessed to be able to do that too.  To each his own but I feel SO excited every day that I get to wake up and just spend the day tending to the house and taking care of my son.  To me, there is nothing more important and I'm so blessed that I never miss a moment of Cannens life.  

Our home is truly SO full of love and laughter all the time.  It just makes me so happy.

smash scripture

I was reading a post online the other day and the woman was talking about how she reads her son a book of nursery rhymes every night.  Inevitably, soon her son knew all the words to each of the nursery rhymes just simply by her repeatedly reading them to him every night.  She then came up with an idea.  Cannen also has a ton of books and he already loves when we read to him.  We will always read him his nursery rhymes and Dr. Suess, etc. but I'd rather him be memorizing something more meaningful. Ya know, instead of singing him to sleep with a nursery rhyme about falling out of a tree in his cradle...  (...... I mean, really?)

This got me thinking.

And then I packed Cannen up, put us in the car, and went to Michaels. I bought a smash book, some markers, some index cards, and some stickers, and got to work.


A day and a half later, I've <almost> finished Cannen's first (made by mommy) smash book of scripture! (and hopefully it will last long enough to be passed down to each of our children.)

Here's a little peak at how it's turning out

(Note: it's supposed to look fun-ish, artsy-ish, and homemade... I'm not a professional printing press over here)

I'll post more pictures as I keep going.  There are a ton of pages to fill so I'm trying to find all the very best verses but the bible is really just full of so much good stuff-- it's hard to narrow it down!
I pray that one day Cannen will find it to be sOooOOoo cool that his mama made him a book that he'll want to read it all the time, and consequently, memorize some of the most important words he'll ever read.

Here's one for us parents (or soon-to-be... or not-so-soon-to-be... parents):
"Train a child in the way he should go, in the way of the Lord, 
and even when he grows up, he will not turn away from it."    -Proverbs 22:6

lately

We had a really fun weekend!
Lately Eric has been taking me on lots of dates and it's been great!  We've always committed to having one fancy date night a week to spend time together and lately we've been trying a bunch of new restaurants and we've been having a lot of fun.
Friday night we went on a double date with our friends Daniel and Aimee to The Hill Cafe (HIGHLY recommend. So good.) , and Saturday night we went out with Des and Tony to Burger Bach (also awesome.  They have a cool, rare draft beer selection).  We are so thankful for our friends.  JUST when we feel like boring old people with a baby, our awesome friends come along and take us out and love on us. We are so blessed to constantly have good friends texting and calling us wanting to hang out, and they especially love when we bring Cannen along so it's really a win-win!

Sunday we went to our Pastors house for a super fun SuperBowl party!  Brandon and Katie have a beautiful home and we had so much fun meeting more new, young couples and watching the game! I made little individual 7-layer dips which came out really nicely!  I saw the recipe on Pinterest so the fact that they actually came out successfully shocked me a little!  My parents offered to watch Cannen for the game so that was super nice.  We are so grateful that my parents live so close to us.

Big event of the weekend:  Cannen rolled over!!! (I totally missed it though... Eric saw it and swears he did it all by himself!)
If you've spoken to us, we'll be the first to tell you that we were not encouraging this, haha! I knew as soon as Cannen rolled over that would mean that we would have to start watching him that much closer.  It's been relatively easy until now because I could lay Cannen down somewhere and know that he'd just stay there!  It's really exciting that our little man is growing up though and learning new little tricks.  He's perfect.
We've also started giving him a sippy cup and feeding him baby food! He's doing great with the baby food and we're just feeding him twice a day.  He still nurses from me and thats where his main nutrition comes from.  (I'm still the biggest advocate for breastfeeding and it really is the BEST thing you can do for your baby. It's the best decision I've made for Cannen yet.)  He's SO funny with his sippy cup because we just put a little water in it and he has really been trying so hard to figure out how to work it and get the water out... hes surprisingly really good at it though!  We have such a smart baby!

BabyBoy actually just woke up from his nap and I hear him squeaking and talking to himself in his room... I love his little noises.  I'll never get enough.

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.  If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump", and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.  If I give everything I own to the poor and even to go the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere.  So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."   -1 Corinthians 13:1-7

Something to think about... 

Love others more than yourself. It goes passed just being kind, it goes into everything that love is.  Which is the next verse of the bible.

"Love never gives up.  Love cares more for others than for self.  Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,  Doesn’t have a swelled head,  Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”  Doesn’t fly off the handle,  Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,  Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,  Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,  Always looks for the best,  Never looks back,  But keeps going to the end." 

-1 Corinthians 13:8

whoops...

So blogging has not been a forte of mine the past 3 months... yikes.  I promised myself if I started this blog I wouldn't let it go and slack off and now I have had people coming up to me lately asking why I haven't blogged in a while sooo I'm back at it and no more slacking! Here's a really compact update of the past 3 months:

Cannen has surely taken up a majority of our time.  He's 4 months now and is changing and growing up everyday.  I swear he has a new sound or laugh everyday.  He's big for a 4 month old, in the 95th percentile for his height and weight... woo! He's still so little though... just a little man.  As I write this he is lying on the floor watching '64 Zoo Lane' and laughing.  He talks alllll the time, just coo-ing and making sounds... he'll definitely be an early talker.  He totally just lights up our world.
Christmas was awesome with him.  He was still too little to know what's going on but I know he felt loved.  The boy is certainly spoiled... He got more gifts than Eric and I combined and I swear my mom is buying him new things every week.  The best thing about having Cannen is feeling the constant love surrounding us constantly.  My parents watch him probably 3 times a week on average and give Eric and I lots of date nights and time to do fun things.  We just have TONS of family and friends around begging to watch our baby and love on him so it's just SUCH a blessing.
Lately his favorite things are his Sophie the Giraffe (this super awesome organic chew toy that he got for Christmas... he sucks and bites and slobbers on that thing all day), his Frank (which is his blankie that I started calling Frank.  For no particular reason.  But it stuck!), and Big Ray (his taggie bear... obviously named after Ray Lewis ;)

Eric graduated from VCU in December.  He would have graduated in 2010 but Marine Boot Camp and his deployment put him a few semesters behind.... but after all of that, he's finally done with school and on the job hunt.  He's working for the Marines full time right now while he feels out the economy and applies to some different jobs in the finance industry.  We have been SO blessed in that God has provided us with more than enough money to make it through the past couple months while Eric is essentially in between jobs. He'll always have the military to fall back on so we'll always be taken care of financially and we're even looking into him going Officer for the Navy.  It's an option, nothing we have decided officially on yet.

Eric really inspires me everyday.  He's just so optimistic and open to what God has in store for us and it really makes me want to see things through his eyes.  He has faith like no one I've ever met before.  Maybe it's his spontaneous nature but he's ready to jump through whatever door God opens for him and see where it takes us.  He's got so much going yet he comes home at the end of the day and musters up the right amount of energy to then deal with me and Cannen.  (And Cannen sure does know his daddy-- he LIGHTS UP everytime he walks through the door.)  Eris is so good at making sure we read our bible and pray before bed and is just a really strong leader for our family in every way.  I know he prays for God's will for our family and he always remembers to glorify God in everything he does.  My kids are lucky to have such an incredible daddy. I'm always thanking God for my little family.  I'm blessed to have them and I don't deserve the happiness I find in them every minute of the day.

As for me, I'm so happy with my life.  I love being a stay at home mom and spending my days with Cannen. It was such a surprise to find out that I was pregnant and as unplanned as it was, it just proves God had such a bigger plan for Eric and I than we imagined.  I've been trying a bunch of new recipes lately... My goal in life is to be an all around domestic goddess so I'm working on that.  So far, surprisingly, I'm not a bad cook!  I'm actually pretty good! Cleaning on the other hand is not something I like to do... I'm sure I'm not the only one with that problem.  Our house is a little smaller than I'd like so it seems to clutter up easily, especially with all the baby stuff.  Eric and I are in the midst of looking to move and thinking about which areas we'd like to look at... hopefully we'll be able to move into a bigger house soon.  I like Glen Allen/Short Pump area so we'll look there.  Eric thinks Midlothian might be a better idea and I dislike the thought of moving to southside but we'll just have to see!
Eric and I are also moving on to a new endeavor and we've recently become youth leaders at our church!  We're still new at it but we are SO excited to meet more of the kids and start relationships with them and work hand in hand with our wonderful church!  We're praying God will use us in the best way to be good examples of His grace and love to the teens.

Myths about newborns that I was told that are total crap

It's funny and I laugh while I write this post because I remember how nervous I was about having Cannen.  The birth itself and bringing him home terrified me.  I had this constant daydream where I got the baby home, put the carseat down, sat on the couch and looked at my baby and literally just thought "umm... uhh... so now what do we do with him....?"
Ofcourse, when you get pregnant, everyone and their mom gives you all the unsolicited advice in the world.  I already wrote a post debunking pregnancy myths and now I will attempt to put other new moms at ease by telling you which things about newborns that I've noticed aren't so true.  Here goes.

1) Maternal instinct.  I think I'm still waiting for this.  So many people tell you about maternal instinct and how it will kick in when you get the baby home but um, atleast for me, not really.  I got Cannen home and literally began wondering how this baby was going to eat, sleep and generally survive.  I'm still so confused by so many things.  Maybe it's just a general lack of common sense.... I'll have to look into that.

2) Preparing for birth.  "make sure you do this and this and this and this and this and this before you go in to labor because you want to be prepared."    .....You won't be prepared. Don't waste your time.  Ignorance is bliss.

3) "oh, he's probably just colic-y".  This one is so annoying.  99% of babies do not have colic.  They aren't colic-y.  Just because your baby is crying for seemingly no reason doesn't mean that they have colic. But moms LOVE to use this word.

4) Babies smell so sweet.  5 minutes after their bath? Yes. Johnson&Johnson baby lotion smells so great.  Other than that babies smell like spoiled milk and poop.  The catch is that even when your baby does smell like sour milk, you still love his smell because your his mama.

5) "Everything will go back to normal once you get home and get used to things."  .....uhh.... except for the BABY that lives with you now....

6) Newborns sleep all day.  This is false.  Babies sleep a lot but they don't eat-sleep-eat-back to sleep-diaper change-back to sleep... it's just not like that.  He's awake a lot! Just awake and wanting to snuggle! I literally bought into it when everyone told me that Cannen would just sleep all the time and that his waketime would be like a total of 30 minutes a day haha

So thats what I've learned so far from being a mama.  If this keeps up I seriously think I'll have enough to write a book.

It's already been a MONTH since Cannen was born!  Time seriously flies.  Like my earlier blog said, the first couple weeks were definitely the hardest of my life but now that we're getting into a groove with him, things are just going SO well.

He's down to only waking up twice a night, and last night he only woke up once!  Usually it's about 2am and 5am that he whines, I feed him, and then he falls right back to sleep.  Last night it was one feeding around 4am.  So I'm really hoping that Babywise starts working it's magic and that in another couple weeks we can drop his middle of the night feedings all together.  Other than that, we're on a strict 3 hour schedule for feedings and Cannen is taking to the schedule really really well.  He's doing great and a really happy baby... and because of that, Eric and I are really happy parents :)

Other things going on:

Eric is in the middle of the school semester and stressed and overwhelmed to say the least.  It's definitely proved to be a hard semester for him and his classes are tough.  However, he's handling everything with more grace and patience than I ever could.  He's in class all day and then comes home to a newborn and still has crazy amounts of work to do.  I'm certain that it's just an answer to my many prayers that Eric would have a successful school year and that the stress wouldn't bring him down.  He has this way of not letting things effect him as much as you think they should.  No matter what, at the end of the day, he walks through the door with a smile on his face and beelines to me and Cannen to give us both a kiss. I look at him and see all the potential in the world and his constant support and grace is truly inspiring for me.  

We started a new small group through our church which is already something that we so look forward to every week.  We've began some new friendships and furthered others and we can't wait to see where God will lead us and the other couples.  Since we got married Eric and I have always prayed that we would find the right small group and it's taken a year to really work itself out.  A few options ended up being on nights where Eric had class or I had work.  A few other options just felt a bit uncomfortable for us because it seemed that there weren't many people our age in our same place of life.  23 years old and married with a baby on the way isn't the norm.  But, again, God answered our prayers and we're so thankful to Him for that.  There is another couple who has a baby just a few weeks older than Cannen and so even he has found his first little friend!  All around it's just such a blessing.  

As for me, there isn't much to say except the tales of being a new mom.  Spiritually, I feel that I'm starting to understand more and more who God wants me to be as both a wife and a mom.  I never had the strongest prayer life but since Cannen was born I feel like I'm constantly saying little prayers throughout the day.  Prayer is what gets me through the harder days and I can't help but constantly thank God on the easier days. I had been so concerned and scared for Eric and I's relationship.  Just nervous that with the baby and school and everything else going on that we would lose sight of our marriage and grow distant.  Our minds are constantly on different things and our day to day priorities are different.  And in the end, yes, it has effected our marriage.  And I'll be honest, it's been really hard for me.  But it hasn't been as much of a bad change as just a change in general.  It takes getting used to and working through it and where before it was just easy, now it takes more work.  I wouldn't change anything for the world though.  I still have the most incredible husband and he still shows me he loves me in more ways than I can count a day.  And I have a beautiful baby.  And all around and incredibly blessed life... I'm still learning how to juggle it all but I'm just so thankful to God that I have it all to juggle in the first place.  

don't forget:

Cannen is already bringing us more joy and excitement than I could have imagined.  I will admit that at first, the stress of having a newborn overshadowed the joys of having one.  I know that makes me sound like such a bad mom but it's true.  You can only prepare yourself so much for having a newborn baby in the house and all the changes that come with it so when it actually happens and you are responsible for a little person it is SO unbelievably overwhelming.  (ok, it still is totally overwhelming but it truly does get better and easier everyday)  But in the very beginning, I'll admit, that there were more stressful times than happy ones.  I was more frustrated and confused than I was happy to have this little man constantly relying on me for every little thing.  I've obviously never been a mom before so it's just absolute craziness when you get the baby home and start mommyhood.  

However, like I said, everyday it gets better and better and there are already SO many things about my little man that I never want to forget so I wanted to list them out so I can refer to them later in his life.  He shows a little more of his personality everyday which is remarkable for a 13day old.  He has little habits that make Eric and I laugh and he just grows to be more perfect everyday. 

 I have completely and irrevocably fallen head over heels for this little boy.

- He sleeps with his hands up by his face.  In my belly, everytime we'd get an ultrasound he would ALWAYS have his hands my his face so we NEVER got a good picture of his little face.  and even now, he still sleeps with his arms up and his hands either covering part of his face or in little fists by his ears.  It's really really cute.

- His swing.  He LOVES sleeping in his swing.  The swing isnt even plugged in or rocking him back and forth.  He just likes being in the swing and prefers to nap there.  We have spent probably half the nights since he's been home with me sleeping on the couch and him sleeping in his swing next to the couch because that's the only place he would sleep.  

- His carseat.  Hates it. The getting buckled in part. Not having it. 

- Diaper changes.  Hates them.  Ya know how moms always say there are 3 reasons that a baby is probably crying?-- They're hungry, they have a gas bubble/need to burp, or they have a dirty diaper.  Untrue.  Cannen would rather sit in his dirty diaper than have it changed. He has never cried because of a dirty diaper.

- This one may be TMI-- when it's time to eat, he literally turns into a wild man.  I pick him up, turn him on his side to breastfeed, and he opens his mouth wide as possible and starts flailing his head around and making pig noises until I guide him over and he latches on to me.  And from there he is the loudest eater EVER.  Eric has heard him from the other room before.  He swallows really loud and makes really loud breathing noises like he literally is afraid to take a breath for fear that the milk won't be there anymore if he stops sucking.  It just makes us laugh.

- He had his two week old checkup today and has gained 11oz since birth.  He definitely eats enough!

- His little feet are the cutest things I've ever seen.  I can't even handle his teeny baby feet.

- He LOVES sleeping on his belly up on your chest.  He curls his little legs under and sticks his butt out and buries his face in your chest and falls asleep.  There have been a few nights that the only way I could get him to sleep is to let him sleep on my chest and he'll sleep there all night long. It's really cute though-- he's definitely a snuggler.

- The way he looks in Erics arms.  Heart melting.  Eric has such big muscle-y arms and chest and Cannen literally looks teeny tinier than ever when hes snuggling with Eric.  It's amazing to watch Eric with him though... Thats probably the thing that I'll never ever forget and the image is burned into my memory.  Eric is SO good with him and talks to Cannen like he's an adult sometimes haha! It's really cute and I KNOW that I've definitely lost that battle-- Cannen will DEFINITELY be daddys little boy and want to be JUST like Eric and doing whatever Eric is doing as he starts getting older.  

I'm sure there are more but Cannen is waking up and ready to eat so I'll have to come back and add them later.  We are a blessed little family and so happy to wake up to this little man everyday. :)

Introducing: Cannen Eric!

Our baby boy is here! Finally! A week ago today I was getting all packed up and ready to go to the hospital to begin my induction.  It's crazy that that was only a week ago...

Thursday went smoothly.  We were admitted into a really comfortable, nice delivery room and the process began.  Around midnight my contractions started to get pretty strong but nothing too bad.  I was put on some medicine to help and that made me feel a ton better.  Around 3am, my contractions were pretty unbearable because they had started me on the pitocin so I requested my epidural.  After my epidural was in I felt incredible.... for a little while.  I slept for a while longer and had a decent morning.  Around 10am(ish?) things got really bad as my epidural was somehow not working.  My legs were numb and my belly was numb but it was just the skin that was numb- nothing else.  So as contractions and the pressure got more and more intense, I began to feel EVERYTHING.  From 10am until 3:35pm (when Cannen was born), I was in the most excruciating pain I'd ever felt.  Contractions came every minute or so and I was dilating well but I was stuck at 9 centimeters for the longest time.  They tried 3 different medications in my epidural to help with the pain and nothing worked.  It was the worst pain I had every experienced.  I was EXHAUSTED as well and began to get delirious.  I don't remember a lot of things within those 5 hours except being put on oxygen and being terrified everytime I would feel a contraction coming, just knowing how bad I was about to hurt.  Eric was there holding my hand and silently praying his way through each contraction.  He was the most amazing and supportive partner and coach through that whole afternoon.  He held my hand and kissed my forehead more times than you could count.  He helped me breathe and told me how much he loved me and how great I was doing.  I know I must have been a hot mess the whole time but he still made me feel pretty.  My mom was there too through everything except the actual birth when she left so it could just be Eric and I.  She was SO helpful too- drying my tear stained face and helping me breathe through the contractions and the pain.  She's obviously done this three times so she knew how to help and how to help alleviate some of my pain.  I don't know what I would have done without Eric and my mom.
Around 3pm-ish, I was finally 10cm dilated and it was time to push.  I was so so scared.  Knowing that I was about to feel every bit of this birth and knowing that I could be pushing for well over an hour or MORE before the baby crowned, and knowing that through all of that I'd still be experiencing the pain of the contractions every minute... It was terrifying. At this point I couldn't feel my arms or neck anymore because of how tense I my body had been the past 5 hours through all of those contractions.  I was told to push through every contraction and that's what I did.  It was by far the most awfully painful and horrendous experience I could ever imagine.  Had the epidural worked, I'm sure my story would be different. (The Dr explained to me that sometimes, for unexplained reason, a womans body will just simply reject the epidural.  Her nerves won't accept the medication and just the skin or certain parts of the lower body will feel the numbing. I couldn't believe of all the epidurals given everyday to laboring mothers, I got a dud. lol) Between pushing through contractions I was literally falling asleep even despite the amount of pain my body was in-- THAT'S how exhausted my body was.  Eric said I was mumbling random things and not making any sense.  I don't remember much about the pushing phase of the labor and I'm probably glad that I don't.  It was just awful.
Finally, at 3:35pm, Cannen Eric Waagner was born into our world.  They put him on my chest and I tried to swaddle him up as good as I could.  Through my tears I saw Eric's tears and a flood of relief came through my body as I heard his little boy cry.  SUCH a teeny little cry meant that the labor was over, I was done, and I had a beautiful son.
Weighing in at 8.8lbs and 20.5in, I had a pretty good size baby there! They handed him to me after cleaning him up and Eric and I got to look at our son.  He was pretty alert and awake and just looked up at us trying to take in his big world I imagine.  The sense of pride and love that I felt for that little boy is unlike anything I could explain.  He started off as nothing and he grew to be this little man, half me half Eric.  It's an amazing miracle.  After a bit, they took him up to the nursery because they were a little fearful that he was retaining fluid in his lungs.  His breathing sounded a little off to them but the Dr's werent too concerned.  After they moved me up to my recovery room I was reunited with my little boy again where we spent the next two days together in the hospital with Eric and tons of visitors-- just getting to know eachother a little better :)

Cannen is now 6 days old and 6 days cuter and 6 days more perfect if that was even possible.  It's been a long and sometimes rough week just simply figuring out how to handle a newborn.  I'm new at being a mommy, Eric's new at being a daddy, and Cannen is new at being a baby!  It's a learning experience for us all!  Night times have been hit and miss.  2 good nights, and 2 bad nights since we've been home.  Sleep is minimal but I somehow mostly get through the day with a smile on my face... but I know that's just God having his hand on our family through even the little things.  I've found motherhood to be the most insane feeling of love so far.  Something I've clearly never felt before. Eric has been the sweetest daddy and watching him with Cannen is by far my favorite part of everyday.  Cannen looks up at him and it melts my heart.  I thought it wasn't possible for me to love Eric more but watching him with Cannen and being a co-parent with him has made me grow to love and respect and need him more than I ever imagined... He was always a perfect husband and somehow so far he's naturally a perfect dad.  I came out to the living room the other day and Eric was sitting with Cannen, reading the bible with him.  In the hospital Eric told Cannen his first bedtime story- the story of how Jesus died for us and God's love for Cannen.  It's only been 6 days since he was born and I've already had so many deep heart moments that I'll never forget.
Sometimes I'm too much of a worrier and I know the sleep deprivation has gotten to me a bit too.  I worry that Eric and I's marriage will fall second to the baby and we could lose touch.  I worry that I wasn't ready to be a mom and I don't know what I'm doing.  I worry that I'll screw up and make a mistake.  I worry that Eric will become over stressed and home will be a place of chaos and tension instead of love and relaxation. All of these silly worries that I need to let go of and give to God and embrace a peace of heart about.  I know everything is going to be wonderful.  I know Eric and I have a love for eachother that exceeds any stress or trial that we could come to.  I know that as long as we pray and do our part to make God the most important part of Cannen's upbringing and life that Cannen will move mountains one day and be the kind of boy that the Lord wants him to be.  We've started this little family, we have no idea what we're doing half the time, but we have all the faith in the world that the happiest days of our lives are yet to come.  As a mom and a wife, I am SO in love with my two boys and I'm devoted to building myself into the best wife and mother that I can be for both of them.  It is by an insane amount of grace that I have the life that I do.  As my daily prayer life and relationship with the Lord grows everyday, I see more and more that God has had his hand in everything that's happened to Eric and I the past year or so and it's all turned out to be more than we could have hoped for.  Eric is the best thing that has ever happened to me and Cannen is the best thing that's happened to us.  ALL thanks and glory to God...


"She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."  -Proverbs 31:26-31

Here comes baby boy...

Today is just a huge day of crazy emotions.

At 5pm tonight, Eric and I are going to the hospital where we'll spend our last night as a family of two!  At 7am tomorrow morning Dr. Mahoney will start my induction and if all goes smoothly, we'll be holding our baby boy by tomorrow evening!  It's crazy that the next time I sleep in my bed I'll have a baby boy in the bassinet next to me.  It's crazy that I'm going to be a MOMMY but I'm so so so excited to meet Cannen.  Holding him in my arms is a feeling that I can't even imagine right now.  I'm so excited and so anxious and so happy and just a whole host of emotions right now.  

Seeing Eric hold him will probably be the most special moment for me.  I have the most perfect and loving husband and when all is done and Eric has his baby boy in his arms for the first time, it will honestly be the most amazing moment.  I get emotional just thinking about it.  I will never love a boy to the capacity that I love Eric and Cannen... they are my whole world already.  

Eric is really excited too. I can tell its the kind of excitement where he doesn't quite know what to expect and he is anxious and seems a bit nervous too.  He is going to be the most incredible dad.  Granted, he's never changed a diaper and the thought of it legitimately freaks him out but I know he'll do great.  I keep telling him Cannens dirty diapers will be the cutest dirty diapers he'll ever see ;)  He's so loving and protective and supportive of me so I just know he'll kick that all into overdrive and be a perfect dad to our little boy.  He has every quality of an amazing father and role model and spiritual leader that God would want him to be for our son.  Cannen and I are the luckiest people in the world to have Eric as the most important person in our lives.

We're as prepared as we can be for the baby and at this point it's just a new experience for us, but part of it just hasn't even clicked yet that we're about to have this little man come in and run our lives.  Everyone always says being a parent is a love that you've never experienced or felt before and for Eric and I that's definitely true.  We don't know what to expect but we know it's going to be incredible.  God has been at work in our hearts big time the past 9 months.  Preparing us for the responsibility of parenthood and working to mature us in the ways that we'll need in order to be the best parents we can be for Cannen.  

After the longest 9 months of my life, I'm so ready to meet my little boy.  I can't wait to kiss his nose and fingers and toes.  I can't wait to hear him cry and feel him breathe on me.  I can't wait til he grasps my finger with his little hand.  I can't wait to see what color his eyes are.  I can't wait to get to know his little habits and to watch him sleep.  I can't wait to watch Eric with him and inevitably see Cannen grow up to want to be JUST like his daddy.  Not a minute has gone by in the last 9 months that I havent thought about the baby in my belly and wondered about him.  He wasn't expected and he began as a huge, stressful surprise, but he's grown to be the most special and amazing gift that I could ever ask for.  I wouldn't have gotten through the last 39 weeks without Eric and my parents and family and Eric's family.  We have more support and prayers coming our way than I could imagine.  We are so blessed and so lucky to have the most loving families and parents.  I will keep learning and hopefully grow to be an incredible mom, just like my mom is.  

This little boy is already the most loved baby in the world.  I can't wait to meet our son :)

** For those of you that have been asking/ for people wanting to come visit us in the hospital and meet baby Cannen, we'll be there accepting visitors this whole weekend!  If all goes according to plan and he's born by Friday evening, then anyone is welcome to come visit Saturday or Sunday! 

We are at Henrico Doctors Forest.  I don't know our room number yet obviously but you can call Labor and Delivery or the Womens Pavilion there and just tell them my name and they'll let you know :)   We would love to see yall and baby Cannen would love it too!


Here is a poem that my sister in law, Gretchen sent me.  I really loved and thought it was SO special so I thought I'd share.

Baby’s Choice

Did you ever think, dear Mother?
As the seeds of me you sowed,
As you breathed new life inside of me
And slowly watched me grow,
In all your dreams about me
When you planned me out so well,
When you couldn't wait to have me there
Inside your heart to dwell,

Did you ever think that maybe,
I was planning for you, too,
And choosing for my very own
A mother just like you?
A mother who smelled sweet and who
had hands so creamy white,
A tender, loving creature
Who would soothe me in the night?

Did you ever think in all those days
While you were coming due,
That as you planned a life for me
I sought a life with you?
And now as I lay in your arms,
I wonder if you knew
While you were busy making me,
I was choosing you.

38 weeks/the CRAZY past few days

     So we are officially 38 weeks pregnant and more ready than ever for this child to make his way into the world.  Except, I'll admit, after yesterday and the past couple days, I'm kind of getting really nervous!  I thought I was SOOO ready for labor and so ready to push him out but I'm starting to get worried and super nervous!  Maybe I'm okay with him staying in there a little longer.... I'm totally back and forth.
Anyway, here are the events of the past couple days. If not for your knowledge, then for me to be able to look back one day and recall this crazy end to our journey.

Thursday evening around 6pm I started having contractions.  Not real ones, just the annoying Braxton Hicks, pressure ones.  These started coming every 10 minutes and came through the night and through yesterday morning.  They never let up. So I called my Dr. and she said to call back if they started coming within 5 minutes of eachother.  She said to take a long walk, bounce up and down, do squats, eat something spicy-- basically try to throw my body into real labor contractions as opposed to the false contractions.  I started doing squats around the house and Personal Trainer Eric informed me that I was doing them wrong so he showed me the right way.  I tried out his method and ended up pulling my groin muscle.  Thanks for that, honey. SOMEONE didn't think that maybe a pregnant woman with 25 extra pounds on her front side can't do the perfect squat! haha So after my failed attempt at those, I decided to go on a loooong walk around the neighborhood to try and get gravity to work in my favor and force this baby out. I walked for about an hour and when I got home my contractions were timeable, within 5 minutes of eachother for about an hour.  I called the Dr, and she told me to come in and get monitored.  They put me on a machine to monitor my contractions and to monitor the babys heartrate.  My contractions were still minutes apart so I thought this might really be it, BUT they didn't hurt very much so it didn't seem like it could be the real thing at the same time.  However, the babys heartrate dropped to below 90 a few times (average heartrate at this time is between 120 and 160) so the Dr thought it might be good to admit me into Labor and Delivery and monitor him for a bit longer and monitor my contractions some more as well.  5 hours later, we were told that we could go home.  The baby was fine and my contractions were getting more painful but still not enough to make me dilate or be considered "real labor".  Frustrating? Ha.  Our ultrasound came back normal as well which made me feel better except my amniotic fluid levels which were average, but on the low side of average.  So where we stand now is that the Dr thinks he'll be here anyday! Ofcourse, no one, not even the doctor, could ever tell you for sure.  I have another appointment on Tuesday to check my amniotic fluid levels again and if they are lower she MIGHT induce me just to make sure the baby doesn't go into any stress.  If I still haven't had the baby by Tuesday AND she doesn't find it necessary to induce me then I will be the girl in bed crying and begging for Cannen to just PLEASE come out!

So here we are today.  10am Saturday morning.  Still having contractions every 5-7ish minutes.  For now the last 40 hours. Getting increasingly more painful but not unbearable.  Soooo maybe today is the day?? Not getting my hopes up, but still, that's hard to do.

my favorite pic ever :)  Cannen with his mouth wiiide open in a yawn.  and look at that little nose!  I can't wait to kiss this sweet baby boy.

36 weeks and 4 days

We are 37 weeks pregnant at the end of this week!  CRAZY!
I now go to the doctor once a week and will continue that until the baby comes.  Today my appointment went REALLY well as the Dr said that baby is all the way down (settled into the cervix), he's head down, 100% effaced and I'm about 1cm dilated!  Last week he was just head down so we made a lot of progress in the last 7 days! Hopefully I continue to progress at the pace that I am and baby comes soon! Alas, the wait continues for now.

Eric and I have been super busy lately just getting ready for all the things happening soon!  Eric starts his last semester of school this week and amen for that!  He would have been done back in 2010 but thanks to Marine bootcamp and his deployment he's had to miss 3 semesters of school, so he's finally able to finish up his last semester!  I know he'll do great but I'm going to have to be really good about giving him time to study and handling the baby myself so he can get his work done and etc.  Not to mention he'll still have drill work to do for the Marines so he's going to be a busy boy!  I can't stop thinking lately how thankful and how blessed I am to have such a hardworking, dedicated husband.  He truly wants the best for our family and he will do anything to make sure Cannen and I are provided for and he does it with a really humble heart and a smile.  He knows how crazy this semester is going to be but he doesn't let it get to him and he's excited to have a packed schedule during the day and a new son to come home to at night.  He's really just great and I find myself praying for him and thanking God for him more and more throughout everyday.  I don't deserve him and how much he puts up with and how much he loves me.

We were thinking about doing a maternity photoshoot but after more thought we've decided to just do a family newborn session which I'm SO excited about.  I've found some of the cutest examples of pictures and we found a great photographer so I'm getting really excited about that.  We're going to do it at home in bed which I think will just look super natural and comfortable.  We're in constant communication with the photographer giving her updates on the pregnancy because we're planning to do the shoot when Cannen is a week to ten days old.  We don't want to wait too long... if there's something I always notice it's that newborns only look like newborns for a few weeks!  It's crazy how a newborn is only so teeny and "new" looking for such a short time and then they're just full blown babies! But anyway, I'm really excited for that and I think it'll be SO perfect and cute.

I'm also recently more obsessed than ever with working out and eating right after this baby comes out.  Luckily I just naturally didnt gain excessive weight during the pregnancy but it's been SO annoying going to the doctor every week and logging my weight gain and not being able to do anything about it.  Most pregnant women can work out more during their pregnancy but the Dr told me back in first trimester that I'm not allowed to work out.  The most I can do is walk on the treadmill and tone my arms and other non-strenuous things. (This being because of the two strokes I had at the beginning of my pregnancy and my constant bad blood pressure).  It's totally fine ofcourse that I'm gaining weight and I know I need to gain excess weight to have a healthy pregnancy..... it's just a weird feeling at first to gain weight so fast and keep gaining for nine months!  Normally you'd be trying to go the other way and lose weight to be healthy! haha!  In any case, this is all just to say that I'm SO excited to pop this baby boy out and get to the gym and get back in real shape...and back into normal pre-pregnancy clothes!  <--- mostly that reason.  I'm determined to be in better shape after this pregnancy than I've ever been and I know I'll be able to do it.  Theres nothing like a pregnancy to make you miss certain things that you never thought you'd miss... like a sweaty gross gym session! ;)

Another exciting thingggggg:  My best friend, Desiree, is getting married exactly a month from today!!!  I couldnt be happier for her as she is already such a beautiful bride :)  Unfortunately her wedding is exactly a week after my duedate so this child needs to come out like now or atleast very soon so I can make the wedding!  I will honestly be heartbroken if I have to miss her wedding.  Either way, I'm just so excited for her and her WONDERFUL fiance, Tony.  They are a super fun couple and a super goodlooking couple too so I just know it will be a gorgeous wedding.  She's getting more excited everyday and I'm right there with her.  You'd think it was my own wedding with how excited I get sometimes... haha!

But anyway, thats about it for now!  Mostly our lives have just revolved around getting ready for baby Cannen and getting ready for Eric's last school semester.  As always, we are SO thankful for all the amazing people surrounding us and praying for us and getting excited with us for all of our upcoming adventures!  We have the best family and friends and I'm so humbled and blessed.