he's gone.

ugh... what. a. weekend. 

Eric left on Saturday. Enough said, really. I'm full of sadness and I'm freaking terrified. Sometimes it feels like I'm totally fine and 6 months will fly by and I feel full of hope.  And then something comes over me and I start freaking out and getting upset and realizing that day-to-day life for 6 months does not go by fast. ESPECIALLY without Eric.

Eric is already in Quantico getting ready and training to leave for Okinawa.  I can tell he's so excited.  I know hes there having fun with his friends and other Marines.  I know he's talking about how fun and cool Okinawa will be and how he can't wait to get there and start his new temporary life.  It would be selfish of me to say that I wish he wasnt excited.  Deep down I am SO happy that he's taking this transition so easily and that he's excited for this change.  Which is why I'm fighting like hell to be happy too.  Because I'm not taking this transition as easily as he is. Because I'm not talking to my friends about how fun the next 6 months will be.  And all of this just makes me feel that much more alone.  I feel alone physically, and alone emotionally too.  I know Eric will miss me and I know he loves me and I know that he knows being apart will be hard.  I know this is so much harder for me than it is for him and it's an awfully isolated feeling.  I need to uplift him and be positive and not cry and not show my emotions too much... for HIM.  I need to love him and be happy for him.  Even when it feels terrible and lonely.

Please, Lord.... help this to get easier.  Help me to love Eric enough to be happy for him and excited for his new experiences.  Help me to need him less and need You more. But still love Eric the same and show it through my support and optimism.  and Lord, help me to not be so terrified.