don't forget:

Cannen is already bringing us more joy and excitement than I could have imagined.  I will admit that at first, the stress of having a newborn overshadowed the joys of having one.  I know that makes me sound like such a bad mom but it's true.  You can only prepare yourself so much for having a newborn baby in the house and all the changes that come with it so when it actually happens and you are responsible for a little person it is SO unbelievably overwhelming.  (ok, it still is totally overwhelming but it truly does get better and easier everyday)  But in the very beginning, I'll admit, that there were more stressful times than happy ones.  I was more frustrated and confused than I was happy to have this little man constantly relying on me for every little thing.  I've obviously never been a mom before so it's just absolute craziness when you get the baby home and start mommyhood.  

However, like I said, everyday it gets better and better and there are already SO many things about my little man that I never want to forget so I wanted to list them out so I can refer to them later in his life.  He shows a little more of his personality everyday which is remarkable for a 13day old.  He has little habits that make Eric and I laugh and he just grows to be more perfect everyday. 

 I have completely and irrevocably fallen head over heels for this little boy.

- He sleeps with his hands up by his face.  In my belly, everytime we'd get an ultrasound he would ALWAYS have his hands my his face so we NEVER got a good picture of his little face.  and even now, he still sleeps with his arms up and his hands either covering part of his face or in little fists by his ears.  It's really really cute.

- His swing.  He LOVES sleeping in his swing.  The swing isnt even plugged in or rocking him back and forth.  He just likes being in the swing and prefers to nap there.  We have spent probably half the nights since he's been home with me sleeping on the couch and him sleeping in his swing next to the couch because that's the only place he would sleep.  

- His carseat.  Hates it. The getting buckled in part. Not having it. 

- Diaper changes.  Hates them.  Ya know how moms always say there are 3 reasons that a baby is probably crying?-- They're hungry, they have a gas bubble/need to burp, or they have a dirty diaper.  Untrue.  Cannen would rather sit in his dirty diaper than have it changed. He has never cried because of a dirty diaper.

- This one may be TMI-- when it's time to eat, he literally turns into a wild man.  I pick him up, turn him on his side to breastfeed, and he opens his mouth wide as possible and starts flailing his head around and making pig noises until I guide him over and he latches on to me.  And from there he is the loudest eater EVER.  Eric has heard him from the other room before.  He swallows really loud and makes really loud breathing noises like he literally is afraid to take a breath for fear that the milk won't be there anymore if he stops sucking.  It just makes us laugh.

- He had his two week old checkup today and has gained 11oz since birth.  He definitely eats enough!

- His little feet are the cutest things I've ever seen.  I can't even handle his teeny baby feet.

- He LOVES sleeping on his belly up on your chest.  He curls his little legs under and sticks his butt out and buries his face in your chest and falls asleep.  There have been a few nights that the only way I could get him to sleep is to let him sleep on my chest and he'll sleep there all night long. It's really cute though-- he's definitely a snuggler.

- The way he looks in Erics arms.  Heart melting.  Eric has such big muscle-y arms and chest and Cannen literally looks teeny tinier than ever when hes snuggling with Eric.  It's amazing to watch Eric with him though... Thats probably the thing that I'll never ever forget and the image is burned into my memory.  Eric is SO good with him and talks to Cannen like he's an adult sometimes haha! It's really cute and I KNOW that I've definitely lost that battle-- Cannen will DEFINITELY be daddys little boy and want to be JUST like Eric and doing whatever Eric is doing as he starts getting older.  

I'm sure there are more but Cannen is waking up and ready to eat so I'll have to come back and add them later.  We are a blessed little family and so happy to wake up to this little man everyday. :)

Introducing: Cannen Eric!

Our baby boy is here! Finally! A week ago today I was getting all packed up and ready to go to the hospital to begin my induction.  It's crazy that that was only a week ago...

Thursday went smoothly.  We were admitted into a really comfortable, nice delivery room and the process began.  Around midnight my contractions started to get pretty strong but nothing too bad.  I was put on some medicine to help and that made me feel a ton better.  Around 3am, my contractions were pretty unbearable because they had started me on the pitocin so I requested my epidural.  After my epidural was in I felt incredible.... for a little while.  I slept for a while longer and had a decent morning.  Around 10am(ish?) things got really bad as my epidural was somehow not working.  My legs were numb and my belly was numb but it was just the skin that was numb- nothing else.  So as contractions and the pressure got more and more intense, I began to feel EVERYTHING.  From 10am until 3:35pm (when Cannen was born), I was in the most excruciating pain I'd ever felt.  Contractions came every minute or so and I was dilating well but I was stuck at 9 centimeters for the longest time.  They tried 3 different medications in my epidural to help with the pain and nothing worked.  It was the worst pain I had every experienced.  I was EXHAUSTED as well and began to get delirious.  I don't remember a lot of things within those 5 hours except being put on oxygen and being terrified everytime I would feel a contraction coming, just knowing how bad I was about to hurt.  Eric was there holding my hand and silently praying his way through each contraction.  He was the most amazing and supportive partner and coach through that whole afternoon.  He held my hand and kissed my forehead more times than you could count.  He helped me breathe and told me how much he loved me and how great I was doing.  I know I must have been a hot mess the whole time but he still made me feel pretty.  My mom was there too through everything except the actual birth when she left so it could just be Eric and I.  She was SO helpful too- drying my tear stained face and helping me breathe through the contractions and the pain.  She's obviously done this three times so she knew how to help and how to help alleviate some of my pain.  I don't know what I would have done without Eric and my mom.
Around 3pm-ish, I was finally 10cm dilated and it was time to push.  I was so so scared.  Knowing that I was about to feel every bit of this birth and knowing that I could be pushing for well over an hour or MORE before the baby crowned, and knowing that through all of that I'd still be experiencing the pain of the contractions every minute... It was terrifying. At this point I couldn't feel my arms or neck anymore because of how tense I my body had been the past 5 hours through all of those contractions.  I was told to push through every contraction and that's what I did.  It was by far the most awfully painful and horrendous experience I could ever imagine.  Had the epidural worked, I'm sure my story would be different. (The Dr explained to me that sometimes, for unexplained reason, a womans body will just simply reject the epidural.  Her nerves won't accept the medication and just the skin or certain parts of the lower body will feel the numbing. I couldn't believe of all the epidurals given everyday to laboring mothers, I got a dud. lol) Between pushing through contractions I was literally falling asleep even despite the amount of pain my body was in-- THAT'S how exhausted my body was.  Eric said I was mumbling random things and not making any sense.  I don't remember much about the pushing phase of the labor and I'm probably glad that I don't.  It was just awful.
Finally, at 3:35pm, Cannen Eric Waagner was born into our world.  They put him on my chest and I tried to swaddle him up as good as I could.  Through my tears I saw Eric's tears and a flood of relief came through my body as I heard his little boy cry.  SUCH a teeny little cry meant that the labor was over, I was done, and I had a beautiful son.
Weighing in at 8.8lbs and 20.5in, I had a pretty good size baby there! They handed him to me after cleaning him up and Eric and I got to look at our son.  He was pretty alert and awake and just looked up at us trying to take in his big world I imagine.  The sense of pride and love that I felt for that little boy is unlike anything I could explain.  He started off as nothing and he grew to be this little man, half me half Eric.  It's an amazing miracle.  After a bit, they took him up to the nursery because they were a little fearful that he was retaining fluid in his lungs.  His breathing sounded a little off to them but the Dr's werent too concerned.  After they moved me up to my recovery room I was reunited with my little boy again where we spent the next two days together in the hospital with Eric and tons of visitors-- just getting to know eachother a little better :)

Cannen is now 6 days old and 6 days cuter and 6 days more perfect if that was even possible.  It's been a long and sometimes rough week just simply figuring out how to handle a newborn.  I'm new at being a mommy, Eric's new at being a daddy, and Cannen is new at being a baby!  It's a learning experience for us all!  Night times have been hit and miss.  2 good nights, and 2 bad nights since we've been home.  Sleep is minimal but I somehow mostly get through the day with a smile on my face... but I know that's just God having his hand on our family through even the little things.  I've found motherhood to be the most insane feeling of love so far.  Something I've clearly never felt before. Eric has been the sweetest daddy and watching him with Cannen is by far my favorite part of everyday.  Cannen looks up at him and it melts my heart.  I thought it wasn't possible for me to love Eric more but watching him with Cannen and being a co-parent with him has made me grow to love and respect and need him more than I ever imagined... He was always a perfect husband and somehow so far he's naturally a perfect dad.  I came out to the living room the other day and Eric was sitting with Cannen, reading the bible with him.  In the hospital Eric told Cannen his first bedtime story- the story of how Jesus died for us and God's love for Cannen.  It's only been 6 days since he was born and I've already had so many deep heart moments that I'll never forget.
Sometimes I'm too much of a worrier and I know the sleep deprivation has gotten to me a bit too.  I worry that Eric and I's marriage will fall second to the baby and we could lose touch.  I worry that I wasn't ready to be a mom and I don't know what I'm doing.  I worry that I'll screw up and make a mistake.  I worry that Eric will become over stressed and home will be a place of chaos and tension instead of love and relaxation. All of these silly worries that I need to let go of and give to God and embrace a peace of heart about.  I know everything is going to be wonderful.  I know Eric and I have a love for eachother that exceeds any stress or trial that we could come to.  I know that as long as we pray and do our part to make God the most important part of Cannen's upbringing and life that Cannen will move mountains one day and be the kind of boy that the Lord wants him to be.  We've started this little family, we have no idea what we're doing half the time, but we have all the faith in the world that the happiest days of our lives are yet to come.  As a mom and a wife, I am SO in love with my two boys and I'm devoted to building myself into the best wife and mother that I can be for both of them.  It is by an insane amount of grace that I have the life that I do.  As my daily prayer life and relationship with the Lord grows everyday, I see more and more that God has had his hand in everything that's happened to Eric and I the past year or so and it's all turned out to be more than we could have hoped for.  Eric is the best thing that has ever happened to me and Cannen is the best thing that's happened to us.  ALL thanks and glory to God...


"She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."  -Proverbs 31:26-31

Here comes baby boy...

Today is just a huge day of crazy emotions.

At 5pm tonight, Eric and I are going to the hospital where we'll spend our last night as a family of two!  At 7am tomorrow morning Dr. Mahoney will start my induction and if all goes smoothly, we'll be holding our baby boy by tomorrow evening!  It's crazy that the next time I sleep in my bed I'll have a baby boy in the bassinet next to me.  It's crazy that I'm going to be a MOMMY but I'm so so so excited to meet Cannen.  Holding him in my arms is a feeling that I can't even imagine right now.  I'm so excited and so anxious and so happy and just a whole host of emotions right now.  

Seeing Eric hold him will probably be the most special moment for me.  I have the most perfect and loving husband and when all is done and Eric has his baby boy in his arms for the first time, it will honestly be the most amazing moment.  I get emotional just thinking about it.  I will never love a boy to the capacity that I love Eric and Cannen... they are my whole world already.  

Eric is really excited too. I can tell its the kind of excitement where he doesn't quite know what to expect and he is anxious and seems a bit nervous too.  He is going to be the most incredible dad.  Granted, he's never changed a diaper and the thought of it legitimately freaks him out but I know he'll do great.  I keep telling him Cannens dirty diapers will be the cutest dirty diapers he'll ever see ;)  He's so loving and protective and supportive of me so I just know he'll kick that all into overdrive and be a perfect dad to our little boy.  He has every quality of an amazing father and role model and spiritual leader that God would want him to be for our son.  Cannen and I are the luckiest people in the world to have Eric as the most important person in our lives.

We're as prepared as we can be for the baby and at this point it's just a new experience for us, but part of it just hasn't even clicked yet that we're about to have this little man come in and run our lives.  Everyone always says being a parent is a love that you've never experienced or felt before and for Eric and I that's definitely true.  We don't know what to expect but we know it's going to be incredible.  God has been at work in our hearts big time the past 9 months.  Preparing us for the responsibility of parenthood and working to mature us in the ways that we'll need in order to be the best parents we can be for Cannen.  

After the longest 9 months of my life, I'm so ready to meet my little boy.  I can't wait to kiss his nose and fingers and toes.  I can't wait to hear him cry and feel him breathe on me.  I can't wait til he grasps my finger with his little hand.  I can't wait to see what color his eyes are.  I can't wait to get to know his little habits and to watch him sleep.  I can't wait to watch Eric with him and inevitably see Cannen grow up to want to be JUST like his daddy.  Not a minute has gone by in the last 9 months that I havent thought about the baby in my belly and wondered about him.  He wasn't expected and he began as a huge, stressful surprise, but he's grown to be the most special and amazing gift that I could ever ask for.  I wouldn't have gotten through the last 39 weeks without Eric and my parents and family and Eric's family.  We have more support and prayers coming our way than I could imagine.  We are so blessed and so lucky to have the most loving families and parents.  I will keep learning and hopefully grow to be an incredible mom, just like my mom is.  

This little boy is already the most loved baby in the world.  I can't wait to meet our son :)

** For those of you that have been asking/ for people wanting to come visit us in the hospital and meet baby Cannen, we'll be there accepting visitors this whole weekend!  If all goes according to plan and he's born by Friday evening, then anyone is welcome to come visit Saturday or Sunday! 

We are at Henrico Doctors Forest.  I don't know our room number yet obviously but you can call Labor and Delivery or the Womens Pavilion there and just tell them my name and they'll let you know :)   We would love to see yall and baby Cannen would love it too!


Here is a poem that my sister in law, Gretchen sent me.  I really loved and thought it was SO special so I thought I'd share.

Baby’s Choice

Did you ever think, dear Mother?
As the seeds of me you sowed,
As you breathed new life inside of me
And slowly watched me grow,
In all your dreams about me
When you planned me out so well,
When you couldn't wait to have me there
Inside your heart to dwell,

Did you ever think that maybe,
I was planning for you, too,
And choosing for my very own
A mother just like you?
A mother who smelled sweet and who
had hands so creamy white,
A tender, loving creature
Who would soothe me in the night?

Did you ever think in all those days
While you were coming due,
That as you planned a life for me
I sought a life with you?
And now as I lay in your arms,
I wonder if you knew
While you were busy making me,
I was choosing you.

38 weeks/the CRAZY past few days

     So we are officially 38 weeks pregnant and more ready than ever for this child to make his way into the world.  Except, I'll admit, after yesterday and the past couple days, I'm kind of getting really nervous!  I thought I was SOOO ready for labor and so ready to push him out but I'm starting to get worried and super nervous!  Maybe I'm okay with him staying in there a little longer.... I'm totally back and forth.
Anyway, here are the events of the past couple days. If not for your knowledge, then for me to be able to look back one day and recall this crazy end to our journey.

Thursday evening around 6pm I started having contractions.  Not real ones, just the annoying Braxton Hicks, pressure ones.  These started coming every 10 minutes and came through the night and through yesterday morning.  They never let up. So I called my Dr. and she said to call back if they started coming within 5 minutes of eachother.  She said to take a long walk, bounce up and down, do squats, eat something spicy-- basically try to throw my body into real labor contractions as opposed to the false contractions.  I started doing squats around the house and Personal Trainer Eric informed me that I was doing them wrong so he showed me the right way.  I tried out his method and ended up pulling my groin muscle.  Thanks for that, honey. SOMEONE didn't think that maybe a pregnant woman with 25 extra pounds on her front side can't do the perfect squat! haha So after my failed attempt at those, I decided to go on a loooong walk around the neighborhood to try and get gravity to work in my favor and force this baby out. I walked for about an hour and when I got home my contractions were timeable, within 5 minutes of eachother for about an hour.  I called the Dr, and she told me to come in and get monitored.  They put me on a machine to monitor my contractions and to monitor the babys heartrate.  My contractions were still minutes apart so I thought this might really be it, BUT they didn't hurt very much so it didn't seem like it could be the real thing at the same time.  However, the babys heartrate dropped to below 90 a few times (average heartrate at this time is between 120 and 160) so the Dr thought it might be good to admit me into Labor and Delivery and monitor him for a bit longer and monitor my contractions some more as well.  5 hours later, we were told that we could go home.  The baby was fine and my contractions were getting more painful but still not enough to make me dilate or be considered "real labor".  Frustrating? Ha.  Our ultrasound came back normal as well which made me feel better except my amniotic fluid levels which were average, but on the low side of average.  So where we stand now is that the Dr thinks he'll be here anyday! Ofcourse, no one, not even the doctor, could ever tell you for sure.  I have another appointment on Tuesday to check my amniotic fluid levels again and if they are lower she MIGHT induce me just to make sure the baby doesn't go into any stress.  If I still haven't had the baby by Tuesday AND she doesn't find it necessary to induce me then I will be the girl in bed crying and begging for Cannen to just PLEASE come out!

So here we are today.  10am Saturday morning.  Still having contractions every 5-7ish minutes.  For now the last 40 hours. Getting increasingly more painful but not unbearable.  Soooo maybe today is the day?? Not getting my hopes up, but still, that's hard to do.

my favorite pic ever :)  Cannen with his mouth wiiide open in a yawn.  and look at that little nose!  I can't wait to kiss this sweet baby boy.