Friday, September 30, 2011
BALLING!
I saw this on the news the other day and it just tugs so hard at your heart. I can't wait til the day Eric and I are reunited and he is reunited with his family and friends next May :)
Thursday, September 29, 2011
2 days
I can feel myself getting tense and blurry. I check the clock constantly wondering what time it is and how much longer til he leaves. I am definitely more moody and just hard to read. Days seem really blurry and weird... like we both know there is this crappy absolution coming and there is nothing we can do about it. I took today and tomorrow off from work to just spend with Eric and enjoy eachother for the last few moments. I can't believe that tomorrow is our last day together. This is all so real now and its really starting to take my breath away when I think about how long 6 months is. This is really going to happen on Saturday morning. Our life is going to drastically change. I'm just waiting to start my new life of waiting...
Friday, September 23, 2011
On the other hand...
I started writing a post and it got to emotional and made me sad so since it's Friday and the start of a dag'on great last weekend with Eric, I thought it might be about time.......
THINGS THAT DON'T SUCK ABOUT THIS DEPLOYMENT:
1. My toilet seat will be left in the down position. Case and point:
Me: Eric, can you please put the toilet seat down from now on? You live with a woman now.
Eric: (blank expression) ..... But you live with a man now...
2. I won't get yelled at for not picking up my thousands of clothes and shoes all over the floor.
3. I'll get to DVR whatever I want and watch it as I please. Instead of getting "the look" when Jersey Shore or Vampire Diaries come on. And instead of having to delete the 30 football games Eric has recorded (along with the SportsCenters that follow) just to make room.
4. My grocery bill will be significantly less.
5. Every meal I cook won't need to have at least a pound of meat in it with whatever starch and carbs possible on the side. I forgot the last time I had a salad.
6. My face won't smell like an armpit anymore from when Eric uses my face towel to wipe off his excess deodorant.
7. I won't hear "can you turn it to channel 570" every morning... Like I don't know by now that channel 570 is ESPN.
8. I won't have to see the "-70$" on our bank account from when Eric fills up his gas in his truck.
9. Laundry. Enough said.
..... There are surely a lot more little funny things that I could think of. But hands down, I'd rather have smelly laundry and watch too much football and put my own toilet seat down any day. If that meant my sweet boy was close and safe. ;)
THINGS THAT DON'T SUCK ABOUT THIS DEPLOYMENT:
1. My toilet seat will be left in the down position. Case and point:
Me: Eric, can you please put the toilet seat down from now on? You live with a woman now.
Eric: (blank expression) ..... But you live with a man now...
2. I won't get yelled at for not picking up my thousands of clothes and shoes all over the floor.
3. I'll get to DVR whatever I want and watch it as I please. Instead of getting "the look" when Jersey Shore or Vampire Diaries come on. And instead of having to delete the 30 football games Eric has recorded (along with the SportsCenters that follow) just to make room.
4. My grocery bill will be significantly less.
5. Every meal I cook won't need to have at least a pound of meat in it with whatever starch and carbs possible on the side. I forgot the last time I had a salad.
6. My face won't smell like an armpit anymore from when Eric uses my face towel to wipe off his excess deodorant.
7. I won't hear "can you turn it to channel 570" every morning... Like I don't know by now that channel 570 is ESPN.
8. I won't have to see the "-70$" on our bank account from when Eric fills up his gas in his truck.
9. Laundry. Enough said.
..... There are surely a lot more little funny things that I could think of. But hands down, I'd rather have smelly laundry and watch too much football and put my own toilet seat down any day. If that meant my sweet boy was close and safe. ;)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
9 days
Ugh... Yesterday was 10 days away and today is 9 and though they're only one day separate, somehow today is a lot worse. Probably because we're now in the single digits. Which makes no sense but in my head somehow 10 days sounds a thousand times better.
Yesterday Eric found out details of his leaving. We received his packing list and they told us that I must drop him off at his Unit at 7am on Saturday, October 1st. Therefore 7am on the 1st will most likely go down in the books as the most emotionally exhausting and hard time of my life thus far. I know that worse things could happen and probably will happen to Eric and I in our life, but so far I think this will be the saddest. Not to mention that 7am is just plain early for me. Nothing is fun at 7am. So if you happen to be awake early on the 1st, maybe say a quick prayer or send some love our way. I like to think that God will use them to give Eric and I an overwhelming sense of comfort after I drop him off and he disappears into his building. That moment is far too much to think about so I will stop before my iPad is soaked with my dumb tears.
On a positive note, the preparation for Erics move is going pretty well! I got my most coveted military ID today. Yes, it's cool that I get to go to the commissary for cheap groceries and the BX for tax free stuff... But more importantly I get 10% off at Starbucks and discounts at the mall. I will be the obnoxious girl in line at stores flashing my military ID like it's nobody's business. We are also working on my trip itinerary to visit Eric in December for Christmas! I was not about to spend my first married Christmas apart from my husband and turns out, I can come visit Eric for as long as I want and he can stay in my hotel room with me on base! As of now, everything is working out so hopefully everything falls into place with that! We are purchasing webcams this week too so we can use and abuse skype while he's gone. Woo hoo! AND we got sweet new cell phones so we can talk and text while he's over there.
As far as Eric goes, he's being really strong and really awesome and hopeful through everything as well. I try to remember that this isn't happening to me, its happening to him. He's getting deployed and I should be stronger than I have been but he has been carrying me through and he's been so sweet and fragile with me. He is unlike anyone I've ever met. He's so strong and he has so much faith in the Lord and faith in what the Lord is doing in our marriage that he is just unphased by things and already looking forward to our life post- Japan. He serves our country with pride and strength and integrity and he serves the Lord with all of those things and more, knowing that everything he has comes from Him. I can and will learn a lot from Eric in our lifetime. Quick funny story: my twin cousins Max and Neveah had their 3rd birthday party last week. Max loves Eric and wanted Eric to help him build stuff with his new set of legos he just got. So Max builds a house and Eric (shocker) builds a gun. Max asks what it is because hes 3 and doesn't quite know about guns yet. A few minutes later we are all talking and I see max shooting things in the living room with his Lego gun yelling "SQUEAK SQUEAKKKK!". Everyone was laughing so hard! It was so cute how Max was so innocent and didn't quite know what sound a gun made so "squeak squeeeeak!" sounded like a solid choice! Likely, our childrens first words will be Boom or Bang with Eric as their father. ;)
Well I know that was a long post so sorry! But that's what's been going on the past 2 days. Lots! Haha :) thanks for everyones support and love through all this. We are such lucky people to have awesome friends and family surrounding us. God is so real and He really is always just right there to lean on when things get hard, isn't he? ;)
Yesterday Eric found out details of his leaving. We received his packing list and they told us that I must drop him off at his Unit at 7am on Saturday, October 1st. Therefore 7am on the 1st will most likely go down in the books as the most emotionally exhausting and hard time of my life thus far. I know that worse things could happen and probably will happen to Eric and I in our life, but so far I think this will be the saddest. Not to mention that 7am is just plain early for me. Nothing is fun at 7am. So if you happen to be awake early on the 1st, maybe say a quick prayer or send some love our way. I like to think that God will use them to give Eric and I an overwhelming sense of comfort after I drop him off and he disappears into his building. That moment is far too much to think about so I will stop before my iPad is soaked with my dumb tears.
On a positive note, the preparation for Erics move is going pretty well! I got my most coveted military ID today. Yes, it's cool that I get to go to the commissary for cheap groceries and the BX for tax free stuff... But more importantly I get 10% off at Starbucks and discounts at the mall. I will be the obnoxious girl in line at stores flashing my military ID like it's nobody's business. We are also working on my trip itinerary to visit Eric in December for Christmas! I was not about to spend my first married Christmas apart from my husband and turns out, I can come visit Eric for as long as I want and he can stay in my hotel room with me on base! As of now, everything is working out so hopefully everything falls into place with that! We are purchasing webcams this week too so we can use and abuse skype while he's gone. Woo hoo! AND we got sweet new cell phones so we can talk and text while he's over there.
As far as Eric goes, he's being really strong and really awesome and hopeful through everything as well. I try to remember that this isn't happening to me, its happening to him. He's getting deployed and I should be stronger than I have been but he has been carrying me through and he's been so sweet and fragile with me. He is unlike anyone I've ever met. He's so strong and he has so much faith in the Lord and faith in what the Lord is doing in our marriage that he is just unphased by things and already looking forward to our life post- Japan. He serves our country with pride and strength and integrity and he serves the Lord with all of those things and more, knowing that everything he has comes from Him. I can and will learn a lot from Eric in our lifetime. Quick funny story: my twin cousins Max and Neveah had their 3rd birthday party last week. Max loves Eric and wanted Eric to help him build stuff with his new set of legos he just got. So Max builds a house and Eric (shocker) builds a gun. Max asks what it is because hes 3 and doesn't quite know about guns yet. A few minutes later we are all talking and I see max shooting things in the living room with his Lego gun yelling "SQUEAK SQUEAKKKK!". Everyone was laughing so hard! It was so cute how Max was so innocent and didn't quite know what sound a gun made so "squeak squeeeeak!" sounded like a solid choice! Likely, our childrens first words will be Boom or Bang with Eric as their father. ;)
Well I know that was a long post so sorry! But that's what's been going on the past 2 days. Lots! Haha :) thanks for everyones support and love through all this. We are such lucky people to have awesome friends and family surrounding us. God is so real and He really is always just right there to lean on when things get hard, isn't he? ;)
Monday, September 19, 2011
12 days
I'm starting to think of things more and more. I dread the day when I sit and watch Eric pack his bags. I dread the day that I do the first load of laundry that has none of his things in it. I hate thinking about going to church on Sunday mornings by myself. I don't want to have the whole bed to myself. I don't want to have the only toothbrush in our toothbrush holder. All these things sound so dumb and trivial but they scare me. I broke down last night and, ofcourse, Eric soothed me and told me that he loved me and calmed me down until I fell asleep. He is amazing. I dont cry everyday and I think I've been doing a good job of holding it together but sometimes, especially while we're in bed at night, I just break down. Mostly I guess I worry that I'm going to need him so much more than he'll need me while he's gone. He'll have a thousand things to do and he'll be in this new place and having a great time with his friends shooting guns and doing things that he loves to do. Meanwhile I'll be here living the same days and doing the same things-- all without him. I feel like I'll need to hear his voice and hear him tell me that he still loves me and isn't going to give up just to get through the days. I know that he wont need these things like I will. I dont want to smother him while hes over there or make him feel like he needs to worry about me all the time so I try to just smile and say that I'm fine while inside I feel like theres this bomb hovering over my head and it's constantly in the back of my mind ticking the seconds until he leaves. I knew I'd have good days and bad days. Last night was a bad night and hopefully today is a good day. I just worry. And I'm scared. And it stinks.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
16 days
My best friend Sara sent me this poem today. It means so much because she knows what I'm going through and is so supportive and sweet. Some poems are super cheesy but this is really cool so I thought I'd share!
"I knew the day would come, when I’d be here alone.
When where he used to be, lays a silent phone.
I knew the day would come, the greatest of my fears,
When I would watch him walk away, stifling my tears.
I knew the day would come, no matter how I begged.
When it would be cold and lonely, lying on this bed.
I knew the day would come, no matter how I cried.
When I’d be sitting here, and he no longer at my side.
But still, I held him and kissed him, and memorized his face.
I swore to him with all I had…I’d wait here, in this place.
I told him not to worry, I told him to be brave.
And it took everything in me not to tell him to stay.
For he had to do his duty…and I had my own to do
To love him and support him, the way he deserves me to.
This love is worth the pain, worth this terrible heartache
I knew it when I took his name, how much my heart would break.
This life isn’t easy…and sometimes it isn’t fair.
But I would rather months apart, than to never have him there.
Some will never understand, never really see
Why did we do this? Because…it was meant to be."
"I knew the day would come, when I’d be here alone.
When where he used to be, lays a silent phone.
I knew the day would come, the greatest of my fears,
When I would watch him walk away, stifling my tears.
I knew the day would come, no matter how I begged.
When it would be cold and lonely, lying on this bed.
I knew the day would come, no matter how I cried.
When I’d be sitting here, and he no longer at my side.
But still, I held him and kissed him, and memorized his face.
I swore to him with all I had…I’d wait here, in this place.
I told him not to worry, I told him to be brave.
And it took everything in me not to tell him to stay.
For he had to do his duty…and I had my own to do
To love him and support him, the way he deserves me to.
This love is worth the pain, worth this terrible heartache
I knew it when I took his name, how much my heart would break.
This life isn’t easy…and sometimes it isn’t fair.
But I would rather months apart, than to never have him there.
Some will never understand, never really see
Why did we do this? Because…it was meant to be."
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
17 days
17 days until my husband gets deployed. The feeling is surreal and I feel like my emotions might soon make my head explode. The "choked up" feeling where you feel like there's a charlie horse in your throat is a feeling that I've actually gotten quite used to. However, the pride and respect and love that I feel for my handsome Marine is overflowing as well more than ever and I couldn't be more honored to call Eric my husband.
I'm starting this blog for a few reasons. I don't care who reads it or if it gets out at all. It's more personal for me I guess. I just wanted a place to tell simple stories of my days, vent my feelings, put up any pictures Eric sends me, and record any news that I get from him about things. Maybe even connect with other military wives going through the same things. Honestly, I haven't been handling my emotions about this very well and I've been sort of a mess but I've always been able to say EXACTLY what I mean and sort out all my feelings when I write it down so I figured this might be a good outlet. Mostly why I wanted to blog is because, oddly, I want to really remember each part of this next 7 months. Not to wallow in self pity but I want to look back and read this (and laugh) one day with Eric when all of this is behind us. I want to be able to look back and watch as our little family of two grew stronger and more special everyday that Eric was gone. One day, I want my kids to ask us about their daddy's life as a Marine and I want to be able to recount all the feelings I had and be able to show our kids how Eric and I got through such a hard time in our lives.
Eric is my whole world. I can't put into words how much I love him. I dream about the day that I will watch him walk into that crowded room, on the day he returns. Both of us knowing that this is over and that we now have the rest of our lives. Until then, I'll be tearing this blog apart. Putting a little 'pink' into my world of camo. Recording the probably boring daily life of a Marine wife. Wearing yellow ribbons in my pony tails to show my support for the U.S. Marines... And missing my husband.
I'm starting this blog for a few reasons. I don't care who reads it or if it gets out at all. It's more personal for me I guess. I just wanted a place to tell simple stories of my days, vent my feelings, put up any pictures Eric sends me, and record any news that I get from him about things. Maybe even connect with other military wives going through the same things. Honestly, I haven't been handling my emotions about this very well and I've been sort of a mess but I've always been able to say EXACTLY what I mean and sort out all my feelings when I write it down so I figured this might be a good outlet. Mostly why I wanted to blog is because, oddly, I want to really remember each part of this next 7 months. Not to wallow in self pity but I want to look back and read this (and laugh) one day with Eric when all of this is behind us. I want to be able to look back and watch as our little family of two grew stronger and more special everyday that Eric was gone. One day, I want my kids to ask us about their daddy's life as a Marine and I want to be able to recount all the feelings I had and be able to show our kids how Eric and I got through such a hard time in our lives.
Eric is my whole world. I can't put into words how much I love him. I dream about the day that I will watch him walk into that crowded room, on the day he returns. Both of us knowing that this is over and that we now have the rest of our lives. Until then, I'll be tearing this blog apart. Putting a little 'pink' into my world of camo. Recording the probably boring daily life of a Marine wife. Wearing yellow ribbons in my pony tails to show my support for the U.S. Marines... And missing my husband.
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